Finding the Logic Behind Problem Areas: Writing
The problem in this paragraph, taken from the second page of a
personal narrative, is vagueness:
In my ten years as a social worker I've had countless
experiences helping people with all kind of difficult problems.
I help people almost everyday with whatever things are going on
in their livestough and easy problems alike. I enjoy helping
others get their life on track.
The problem in this paragraph, taken from the introduction to
a personal profile, is its overly formal thesis:
Even on the sunny Saturday afternoon we met, Susan
was studying in her room. As usual, she had a big test coming
upthis one on advanced physiological analysis. This is what
Susan's life has been like ever since she decided to become a
medical student. Susan Morris, the subject of this personal profile
is committed to her work, certain of her future success and in
a hurry to get where she is going. These three traits, which will
be discussed in order in this profile, suggest that Susan will
be a success in whatever she does.
Without a doubt, Susan is committed...
The problem in this second paragraph of a personal narrative is
The mansion was huge. The wall on the right of the
first room displayed two paintings. One was about a woman standing
on a wooden dock, fanning herself with a big yellow hat that looked
like a straw sombrearo. Further alone the brown wood-grained wall
was the second painting. It also took place on a dock. In this
one, three small children were jumping off into the bluish-green
water to join several kids that were already splashing around.
I was amazed at the detail of the room.
When we entered the second room I immediately looked
up at the grand ceiling. Hanging in the middle was an incredible
The problem with this selection from a personal narrative is underdeveloped
After the experience was over, I felt completely sick. It was
horrible. I had never felt so bad before.
But, things got better right after that. In fact,
just two hours later, I was almost fine.
I don't know if I'll ever get on a rollercoaster again