She is on the Right
Although I am not angry at this person whatsoever, this is the most evil thing I think I have ever done, and it is posted here not to harm any person,
but just as an example of how a "nice guy" can react.
Letter to the ex. (something no one should do while angry)
Ok, in all of the time I have been around you, had I ever gotten mad? No, I don't get mad. It takes an immense amount of pressure to get me
mad. This feeling isn't anger, it is emptiness. In my relationships with any person, I always give it my all. Whenever this situation
arises, it rips into my being. Although it sounds painful, in my opinion it is better to experience immense pain. After those painful
experiences, everything else seems to glance off of me because it doesn't measure up. In addition, I can't say that I was completely
surprised by that our relationship ended. I was always taught to observe my surroundings and the people within them, and that there is
no place that learning should be stopped.
After I moved out here when I was 5, I didn't exactly get along with girls. My best friend in Queens was a girl and the day I left we
needed to be physically separated. From then on, I decided not to involve myself with girls beyond the border of just being friends. It’s
rather ironic how God tests a person's commitment to their beliefs. My first girlfriend actually grabbed my face and kissed me before she let
on that she liked me. Even after that it still took me two days to officially ask her out. I will never forget the response she gave,
"I have to ask my parents." No matter where I turn for a relationship it seems I am subject to parental approval before seeing people. Well, in
my relationship with her I learned that fighting for a relationship that seems to be going nowhere is bad. When that relationship ended, I paid
my respect by staying single for nine months. My habits had changed and I began writing. Little piece of crap writings, but it help easy the
pain.
On March 22nd, I was approached by someone, who will remain nameless, and the person asked me to "give you a shot" at a relationship.
After thinking about it for a day, I decided to do it. Let me tell you now what I learned. I learned to have faith in that which I can see
and that in which I cannot see. You may not understand where this comes from, and to be honest I'm not completely sure where it comes from.
But this I do know, when I met you, going to church was a chore. Now the words of the fathers help console me in times when I cannot count on myself.
I choose to go to church; it was never for you, but for myself. I learned that until your last letter, most of the events that happened to your
siblings was everybody else fault except their own. Teach them the temporary fix and deny method, it works a lot better and people don't
get in trouble as harshly. I learned that no matter how happy a person appears on the outside, they could be just as upset as a person whose
eyes are red from tears. I don't quite understand why you got upset when you family started showing videos of your past. I would be proud
of where I came from, what I did, and my appearance at the time. Not many people know this, but I used to be in a youth group at the church
next to JFK School. I didn't go to the bible study stuff, just to the fun activities. Of course some parents recorded some of the special
events, and if I had the ability to view them I would. If you think that you did weird stuff when you were recorded try dressing up as a
grandma, and acting out the song Grandma got run over by a reindeer. Even though I looked ridiculous, I enjoyed hearing the laughter that
resulted. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't be embarrassed, or ashamed, or whatever it is that makes you hate those
videos, and sit with whomever is "meant to be with you" and laugh. These things are things that came to mind after I had said that I
wasn't feeling anything anymore.
Come to think of it, there is something that I can say that I hate. I mean to the point where I might get angry. Everyone always says that I
am great guy, and a real gentleman. Why can I just be another retard, or inconsiderate person, or idiot, or meathead? Being a great guy is
like being a dodo bird on the brink of extinction. There are few and far between, but when you do find one, you don’t want it. It’s like
being in heaven, but not earning your way there. It is not a gift, but a plague. I could continue to describe feelings, but what good would
it accomplish? I think I already wasted enough of your time so I’m just going to continue this email.
Sorry about your mom’s situation. It’s always tough to lose
something that you have no control over. Other than having faith in God’s decision, I cannot offer advice. Look at it this way, that
child will know nothing of the indecencies of this world. It will only know what God wants it to know, and it will only know of God’s will.
In this respect, I don’t feel sad for it at all. I almost wish that this world could have that fate. Any way, as for myself, I am always fine.
I don’t have problems with my knee until it lets me know when it has problems with the actions I want it to take. As for accepting apologies, whatever.
I wrote that to show you how my mind works. I’m not just going to accept apologies if I don’t feel that I accepted it. See…I’m still learning.
Anyway, given that I am a skeptic, I would be surprised if you even read this far. If you did, well you just read a thousand word essay.
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